Technical Difficulties… October 7, 2010

Wow, it’s been a super long time since I’ve posted. But I have a VERY good reason. Right before I went back to work from maternity leave, I busted my computer. It was only 31 days old and a gift from my hubby for mother’s day.  I picked up the little laptop by it’s little screen, heard a snap, and watched as the entire screen became covered in ink blots. It was a very sad event and has cut me off from most of my online world. I don’t have time to jump on the internet at work, but I’m home today and brought my work laptop with me. I thought I’d just update since it looks like I’ve jumped ship!

Things are going pretty well. I’m super busy with work and most days feel like a marathon. Up at 6am, at work by 8:30am, work without much time for a break, pick up twins at 5pm, scramble to do baths/dinner/playtime by 7pm, and then it’s off for bed! It’s challenging, but it’s life!

The twins are doing great! At 7 1/2 months, the twins’ personalities are truly shining through. Bodhi is still my sweet baby boy and quite the cuddler. Paloma is still the spitfire and becoming such a busy little girl. I love every minute I get with them, and I can’t wait to see them when we pick them up at daycare.

They’re in their own nursery now and sleep much better. They don’t always sleep through the night, but they’re doing pretty well. I can’t complain!

The one thing I can complain about is I want to see them more! I work everyday and the weekends are chock-full of chores! Family visits, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking dinner for the week ahead, and making baby food keeps mommy and daddy pretty busy. We manage though, and we’ve been getting out – in honor of my favorite season – autumn!

Paloma and Bodhi humoring mommy with a backyard photoshoot.

Paloma’s first taste of an apple in its original form.

Bodhi enjoying the pumpkins.

This mamma will try to do better about posting regularly. I guess I’ll just have to lug my work laptop home with me more often!

Busy Bee June 18, 2010

These days before the twins go to daycare have been a blur of activity and it doesn’t appear that it will slow down anytime soon. I suppose I should just get used to being busy every waking moment. I’ll be working full time with infant twins. I am servantless and like to cook as much as I can from scratch and keep a clean home. Yep, I’m screwed.

I still have to finish the twins’ daycare paperwork, fold about 5 loads of laundry, and clean the house for my friend Amena’s visit this weekend. This has to be done whenever the twins are asleep at the same time, which is happening right now but clearly I’m busy writing this!

I’m excited to have Amena visit. I met her at work in NYC and from the start we got along really well. Amena is a breast cancer survivor and one of the greatest people I know. When she visits she likes to cook, so I am looking forward to a little break this weekend!

Thankfully, the twins slept very well last night so I feel fairly energetic (as much as a nursing twin mom can!). Dame and I discovered the twins sleep much better in the dark. Imagine that. This entire time we had a bedside table lamp on – it made it much easier to leap out of bed and see/shush the fussing twin so as not to disturb the other. Well, we must’ve confused the twins when it came to when to sleep and when to be awake. With the lights out, it’s a much more restful sleep for them. In fact, I had to wake them up at 3:30am because my breasts were full of milk and sore. Now, if I could only get Paloma to go to sleep without a fight…

OK, off to fold/clean/nurse/play. I’ll get to eat some day!

Weepy Wednesday June 16, 2010

OK, it was actually Tuesday (yesterday) when I was weepy, but Weepy Tuesday isn’t as catchy – and sounds much better after Weekend Wedding.

Yesterday was the day I got all the things ready for the twins to go to daycare – 2 pack and plays, extra clothes, diapers and wipes, and bottles. It’s really only a matter of days before they start next Tuesday! I can’t believe it’s time for them to – or rather – for me to leave them in someone else’s care. I knew the day would come, but I didn’t expect to start crying when I was labeling their bottles with their names. That’s just pathetic!

Dame did the deed and dropped off all their things to daycare. Our lovely lady told Dame she is sure I’m going to cry when I leave them next week. Dame was kind enough to not share that I had already cried and that he agreed with her.

I miss them already. I miss their giggles. I miss their smiles. I miss their soft breathing when they sleep. Now, I know they’re only going to daycare and not to another planet, but I’ve spent every moment of the past 4 months with them (with the exception of a Target or grocery store run) – not to mention the 9 1/2 months before that.

And this is such an exciting time. They grab rattles and pacifiers, they reach for anything that dangles, and they coo coo coo. You should see Paloma’s face when see talks. She puts her heart and soul into her cooing, really exaggerating her mouth muscles. It makes my heart melt every time.

Now they have an activity center, and their faces light up when they see all the toys around them!

I’m still in awe of these two little people, these two little beings that I helped create and bring into this world. Everyday they amaze me, and part of me worries that I’ll miss some major milestone while I’m sitting at my desk at work. But I know this is best. I know I’ll be happier this way and so will the kids. It’s all going to be A-OK.

Weekend Wedding June 14, 2010

M girlfriend got married in Newport, RI this weekend.  It was a lovely, intimate affair and the rain held out long enough for the ceremony to take place.

We were amongst the few invited to stay in the rented house where the wedding was being held. Staying at the wedding site was heavenly because I could easily go to our room to nurse (or nap, which I did!). The one downside of staying at the house was the worry that the twins would wake up the bride or groom or their parents the night before the wedding! But thankfully, the twins were on their best behavior.

As a matter of fact, the groom’s parents were blown away with how well bahaved the twins were. And they really were. Dame and I were able to socialize and have fun because the twins were completely stress free. They napped, ate, and looked adorable. What great travelers!

There was another set of twins at the wedding there as well. They were 1 year old identical boys, and they fussed a bit during the ceremony, but our twins were just watching everything and quiet as mice. Dame and I are so lucky!

The morning of the wedding I was walking by the make-up artist when she asked me if I was on her list of clients that morning. I said no, I’d just do my own make-up. She gave me a pitied look and said, “You should really let me cover up those dark under eye circles.” Someone explained I was a new mom of twins, and the make-up artist just nodded like it was obvious from my haggard appearance.

So I let the woman put some make-up on me.  And boy did she pile on the make-up! I felt like a different person, not necessarily in a good way. I looked like Jaclyn but maybe a different version of me. I guess it was better than looking like a mom zombie!

Our multiple attempts to get a nice picture of Bodhi and me:

And finally…

Twins before ceremony:

Twins during reception:

Twins the morning after wedding*:

*The twins did some spit-up damage to the bed they’re sitting on. Pee-yoo.

Cookie Monster June 10, 2010

Yesterday I made my FIRST EVER batch of cookies from scratch. Chocolate chip/pecan. Heavenly. Simply amazing!

If I had known I’d post about the cookies, I certainly would’ve put the cookies in a prettier dish for the photo! 

When I announced this tasty accomplishment to Dame, he quickly pointed out that this was not my first foray into cookie baking. Previously, I’d attempted to bake cookies that were sugar, dairy, and wheat-free. Does this really count? No one – not even I – enjoyed the rock-hard, 2 pound cookies. This canNOT count. So I will not count them.

So back to my delicious FIRST cookies. I am not sure I can bake them again. I ate 5 cookies yesterday, 2 for breakfast, and I just had another post-lunch nibble. No amount of nursing is going to keep this cookie weight off.  I have zero self-control. Maybe that’s what I just need to find…is that self-control. I should be able to bake when I want to. And no, I don’t have most of the proper tools or appliances to bake in my kitchen, but I enjoyed it all the same! And cookies I bake are much better for me than anything I purchase in the store.

So I just solved my own problem! I will just find my self-control. Task #347 on my grand to-do list.

Not to mention, I don’t want to be a cookie monster. I want to be a veggie monster or a tea monster or a photo monster or a green monster or any number of other kinds of monsters, but not a cookie monster. It’s so..gluttonous and gross.

I guess I’m kind of a baby monster. Ugh, I just feel like a land monster right now. No more cookies! I’m supposed to wear a dress/heels at a wedding this weekend and deliver a toast. This reminds me, I need to come up with something to say for this toast. Off I go to think of my toast, cookie-free.

Decisions, decisions

With twins, I have to make decisions everyday that I wouldn’t if I only had a singleton. There is no opinion here, just a statement. For instance, last night at 3am I was nursing Bodhi. I could see Paloma in her bassinet, arms and legs splayed out and hear her soft breathing. She had taken a long time to go down; we’re not swaddling her anymore so she can easily knock the pacifier out of her mouth which wakes her up everytime.

Then it was time to burp Bodhi. I just sat there on the bed frozen in thought. If I burp him like I normally do, the loud slapping could wake Paloma. If I don’t burp Bodhi, he could wake up screaming with gas at any point in the night. I decided to burp Bodhi…on a low setting. This light tapping on his back was worthless, so I just did it for a longer period of time. Before I knew it, I had been tapping his back for 20 minutes. And no burp! I took the gamble to not wake Paloma, possibly risking Bodhi waking up sooner than later. Thankfully, I gambled right. Bodhi never woke.

There’s also the daytime decisions. If they’re both asleep, I have to decide whom I will wake first to nurse. This doesn’t always work in my favor. Sometimes the baby I do not wake up is the one who wakes up starving only minutes after I start nursing the other. I then have to soothe a screaming baby while another is drinking from my breast.

Part of the reason I stopped tandem nursing is because of the burping issue. They’d finish eating at the same time, but I’d have to put one baby down while I burped the other. Inevitably, the baby lying down would start spitting up and crying from gas. I couldn’t take it anymore and now have to strategically wake one before the other.

And diaper changes? I have to choose who will get a clean diaper first. Tummy time? Same. Whom will get the bottle and whom the breast? Same. Whom will I hold on my lap? Same. Of course, I alternate as often as I can, ensuring that each twin gets enough attention. Did I hold Paloma long enough today, or did I give Paloma more attention than Bodhi? These are constant conversations I have with myself all day long.

Some days I can easily live with my decisions, and some days I feel like I chose wrong. But at 3am in the morning, I thought how ridiculous it is that my day is made of tiny decisions like how hard (loud) I burp my son. I suppose I will need to get used to it, as raising twins promises to be nothing short of decisions, gambles, and compromises. And I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Growing Pains June 8, 2010

I have a wedding to attend this weekend (and another in 2 weeks), so I thought I’d wear a summery dress I wore to a wedding 2 years ago. It’d be perfect for the Newport wedding, and I already have the matching shoes. And since I now weigh 156 – just 2 pounds from my starting pregnancy weight (yep, already back down that much in less than 4 months post-partum!) – the dress should fit with no problem. Well, I tried the dress on and it definitely doesn’t fit. How could this be?
It seems pregnancy has changed my body shape, even though I’m in the same weight range. I knew my waist would change, but even my hips seem to be different. And my boobs? WOW. I used to be a large B cup, but I think I might even be a D cup right now – though I’m cheating with nursing.
And I’m most certainly softer than I’ve ever been. This is probably more my own fault than that of my pregnancy. I’m the one who’se been lazy and not exercising very much. So it looks like I’ll need to do some clothes shopping. Yucky yuck.
The twins are doing some growing pains of their own. Or maybe it’s just “pains.” Last night was another night of much interrupted sleep. First it started with Paloma having a screaming fit when I tried to get her to sleep, then one baby woke up and woke the other up. And then repeat. And repeat. Even poor Dame had to get up and help me calm some screaming babies. I have no idea what time this all took place or how much sleep was really had, but I just know it was no fun for anyone.
What makes it all the more painful is that just a week ago, they were sleeping significant chunks of time – sometimes even 7 hours between feedings! Maybe we were too smug about it? Maybe we just got ahead of ourselves thinking that’s how things would go? Well, joke’s on us!
I posted this dilemma on a twins’ mom forum, and someone wrote back that this is how it’s going to be for the first 1 to 2 years! The twins finally get in the swing of a sleep schedule and then something throws them off. It could be a growth spurt or vaccine shots or teething. Sounds like it’s going to be a series of interrupted sleep for the immediate future. Ugh. I miss my sleep SO very much.
Despite all their pain-in-the-buttness at night, I am still absolutely, endlessly, hopelessly in love with my babies. Here are some new pics.

Is it Monday? June 7, 2010

I think my brain has officially fallen out of my head. I am a walking brainless zombie. This past weekend was jam-packed full of visitors and entertaining and cooking/grilling, and not much sleeping.

One of my hubby’s closest friends came up on Friday to visit from NYC. I was thrilled to have him since none of our friends – other than local friends – have visited us since the babies were born. Actually, we haven’t really had ANY visitors since we left NYC 3 years ago. Kind of sad when I think about it. I guess it’s out of sight, out of mind!

Anyway, so we had Erik come up, which is always fun. He’s super funny and always entertaining, but that meant Dame stayed up super late hanging out with him. This translated to a passed out hubby when he came to bed so I was on my own with the kids. And with Erik’s visit came our local friends to see him so Saturday was chock-full of visitors. It was fun, but I also went to sleep later than usual. And unfortunately, some friends stayed too late and got too tipsy – forgetting that we have infants and keep different hours than we used to.

Then on Sunday we had Dame’s sister, husband, 2 small children, and aunt and uncle over! It was muggy and hot and everyone was physically uncomfortable. Then it poured rain and the kids were disappointed since we couldn’t go to the park, as we had promised. So instead they got hopped up on sugar and poked/tapped/grabbed at the babies for the afternoon. This was not fun for me, as I had to keep an eagle eye on the kids all day.

And to top it all off Paloma has gone from sleeping 7 hours straight to waking around 2am and taking hours to go back to sleep. It’s as if she thinks it’s playtime, squealing and giggling, kicking and laughing. It’s really cute for the first hour and then by hour 3 I am on the verge of tears. Actually, last night there were tears from me! Paloma woke up at 2am and didn’t get back down until around 5:30am – after Dame got up and put her in the bed with us. I just had had it and was exhausted and crying. She doesn’t even stay awake for a 3 1/2 hour stretch during the day. I just don’t understand. This new habit terrifies me since I am starting work in a few weeks. What if she does this when I need to go to work?

So today is going to be a tough one. I just drank some freshly juiced veggies, which I am hoping will give me a little extra oomph to take care of the kids. At the very least, I need the vitamins to compensate for my crappy eating and drinking from the weekend. I need to upload some photos of the kids, but right now I just need to sit on this couch and close my eyes for a minute since the kids are asleep…for now anyway.

Mmmm…food June 4, 2010

Blurg. I screwed up my order from Boston Organics, so I didn’t get the delivery yesterday. I was waaayy to excited for it too, running to the window every time I heard a truck drive by. Alas, I will have to wait until next Thursday for my delivery of fresh, organic produce. This means I’ll have to brave the crowds at Russo’s tomorrow morning. Double blurg.

Russo’s is a local produce shop that truly has every fruit or veggie imaginable, all at a great price. But there have been some things about the store that has bugged me lately. Nothing is organic, most of the stuff isn’t local, and WHY is it so cheap? I mean, really cheap. They must be underpaying someone, no? Oh, and it’s always so crowded that a fun shopping experience it does not make.  And I LOVE food shopping. Love love. Well, I’ll have to go one more time tomorrow as soon as they open and smile nicely at all the ridiculous people on cell phones and crowding the tiny aisles. Oommmmm.

I did manage to also sign up for a meat CSA. This makes me very excited! Once a month I’ll pick up 5 pounds of various types of meat (beef, lamb, chicken, pork) from a farmers’ market at $48 each time for 6 months. The animals come from a local, family owned farm that raises grass-fed/antibiotic free animals in a sustainable, humane way.

Now, I’m not a big meat eater, and Dame isn’t by default since we don’t buy it often, so it’ll be interesting to see how I’ll prepare it – especially the chicken since it’ll be a whole bird. Ugh, gross. I’ll definitely need Dame’s help with that one. I’ve been a vegetarian on/off since I was 16, even having a short-lived stints as a vegan and raw foodist. Nothing grosses me out more than bloody, boney meat. But I do enjoy the taste every once in a while, more so if I know where the meat came from and how well done it was cooked (or if I’ve been tipsy from alcohol).

Now that I have children, eating well has become so much MORE important to me. I’ve definitely been a conscientous eater for several years now, opting for organic and local when I could afford it. But now I feel like I’m on a mission to fulfill my motherly obligation of feeding my kids the best food possible. I define best food possible by organic, local when possible, minimally processed, and fair trade. I want my kids to enjoy long, healthy lives so I will give them a good start by giving them healthy foods.

This is all going to take lots of work! I’m purchasing meat and veggies in their natural state, which will require lots of prep work on my part and lots of cooking! It’s funny – I love cooking, but I’m not so good at it. I mean, I LOVE the way I cook – I cook to please my palate – but my hubby has never been a fan. He likes thinks less…cooked, I suppose. So I guess I better get better at the whole cooking thing. I hope my kids will enjoy my cooking one day! 

Speaking of feeding, I see my chubby girl stirring. Time to nurse!

Countdown Begins June 3, 2010

I have 4 weeks left before I leave the little ones in daycare and head back to work. I’m very torn about this. On one hand, I’m looking forward to getting out of the house everyday and spending time with adults, using my brain, and being productive. On the other hand, I’m going to miss my babies! They’re just beginning to develop so much, and I don’t want to miss any of it. Bodhi and Paloma are now reaching for things. They are fascinated with shiny wristwatches and actually try to grab them. This is when all the fun begins…just when I head back to work.

I do worry about trying to balance everything. I know there are thousands of twin families out there who get up and out of the house every morning, but we haven’t done it yet and it seems very daunting! Getting the babies ready is a challenge on its own; now we have to do that, get us ready, drop off the babies, and get to work – and all on time!

Work will be a challenge as well. I’ve never rushed at work, always working as long as I needed to and never worrying about the clock. This is the first time we don’t live near a train so I can’t just grab the subway whenever I want. Dame and I are driving into work, so I do have an end time for work. This should be interesting. I suppose there will be days I’ll have to take my laptop home to finish projects.

By the time we get home we will only have a short window before the babies need to go to sleep. This is a bummer because we will have so little time to spend with them everyday. And this leaves little time to prepare dinner, lunch for the next day, and any ironing required for work clothes. I think it’s going to be all about getting everything prepped on Sundays. I’m thinking I’ll have to make batches of dinner and lunch on Sunday, as well as getting all my clothes ready for the week. This way, we’ll have the most time to spend with the babies.

It’s amazing how much organization and time management come into play with twins. It’s all about scheduling and juggling and planning. There’s not much downtime! I suppose writing in this blog is my way of taking a breather everyday. I do miss having more ME time, but I guess I had 33 years of me time.

Well, looks like me time is over as I can see the twins are getting up from their very short nap!