With twins, I have to make decisions everyday that I wouldn’t if I only had a singleton. There is no opinion here, just a statement. For instance, last night at 3am I was nursing Bodhi. I could see Paloma in her bassinet, arms and legs splayed out and hear her soft breathing. She had taken a long time to go down; we’re not swaddling her anymore so she can easily knock the pacifier out of her mouth which wakes her up everytime.
Then it was time to burp Bodhi. I just sat there on the bed frozen in thought. If I burp him like I normally do, the loud slapping could wake Paloma. If I don’t burp Bodhi, he could wake up screaming with gas at any point in the night. I decided to burp Bodhi…on a low setting. This light tapping on his back was worthless, so I just did it for a longer period of time. Before I knew it, I had been tapping his back for 20 minutes. And no burp! I took the gamble to not wake Paloma, possibly risking Bodhi waking up sooner than later. Thankfully, I gambled right. Bodhi never woke.
There’s also the daytime decisions. If they’re both asleep, I have to decide whom I will wake first to nurse. This doesn’t always work in my favor. Sometimes the baby I do not wake up is the one who wakes up starving only minutes after I start nursing the other. I then have to soothe a screaming baby while another is drinking from my breast.
Part of the reason I stopped tandem nursing is because of the burping issue. They’d finish eating at the same time, but I’d have to put one baby down while I burped the other. Inevitably, the baby lying down would start spitting up and crying from gas. I couldn’t take it anymore and now have to strategically wake one before the other.
And diaper changes? I have to choose who will get a clean diaper first. Tummy time? Same. Whom will get the bottle and whom the breast? Same. Whom will I hold on my lap? Same. Of course, I alternate as often as I can, ensuring that each twin gets enough attention. Did I hold Paloma long enough today, or did I give Paloma more attention than Bodhi? These are constant conversations I have with myself all day long.
Some days I can easily live with my decisions, and some days I feel like I chose wrong. But at 3am in the morning, I thought how ridiculous it is that my day is made of tiny decisions like how hard (loud) I burp my son. I suppose I will need to get used to it, as raising twins promises to be nothing short of decisions, gambles, and compromises. And I wouldn’t have it any other way!