SuperMama and Los Twinguinos

Adventures of boy/girl twins and their nervous mom.

Is it Monday? June 7, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — bigojos @ 2:00 pm

I think my brain has officially fallen out of my head. I am a walking brainless zombie. This past weekend was jam-packed full of visitors and entertaining and cooking/grilling, and not much sleeping.

One of my hubby’s closest friends came up on Friday to visit from NYC. I was thrilled to have him since none of our friends – other than local friends – have visited us since the babies were born. Actually, we haven’t really had ANY visitors since we left NYC 3 years ago. Kind of sad when I think about it. I guess it’s out of sight, out of mind!

Anyway, so we had Erik come up, which is always fun. He’s super funny and always entertaining, but that meant Dame stayed up super late hanging out with him. This translated to a passed out hubby when he came to bed so I was on my own with the kids. And with Erik’s visit came our local friends to see him so Saturday was chock-full of visitors. It was fun, but I also went to sleep later than usual. And unfortunately, some friends stayed too late and got too tipsy – forgetting that we have infants and keep different hours than we used to.

Then on Sunday we had Dame’s sister, husband, 2 small children, and aunt and uncle over! It was muggy and hot and everyone was physically uncomfortable. Then it poured rain and the kids were disappointed since we couldn’t go to the park, as we had promised. So instead they got hopped up on sugar and poked/tapped/grabbed at the babies for the afternoon. This was not fun for me, as I had to keep an eagle eye on the kids all day.

And to top it all off Paloma has gone from sleeping 7 hours straight to waking around 2am and taking hours to go back to sleep. It’s as if she thinks it’s playtime, squealing and giggling, kicking and laughing. It’s really cute for the first hour and then by hour 3 I am on the verge of tears. Actually, last night there were tears from me! Paloma woke up at 2am and didn’t get back down until around 5:30am – after Dame got up and put her in the bed with us. I just had had it and was exhausted and crying. She doesn’t even stay awake for a 3 1/2 hour stretch during the day. I just don’t understand. This new habit terrifies me since I am starting work in a few weeks. What if she does this when I need to go to work?

So today is going to be a tough one. I just drank some freshly juiced veggies, which I am hoping will give me a little extra oomph to take care of the kids. At the very least, I need the vitamins to compensate for my crappy eating and drinking from the weekend. I need to upload some photos of the kids, but right now I just need to sit on this couch and close my eyes for a minute since the kids are asleep…for now anyway.

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Mmmm…food June 4, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — bigojos @ 3:31 pm

Blurg. I screwed up my order from Boston Organics, so I didn’t get the delivery yesterday. I was waaayy to excited for it too, running to the window every time I heard a truck drive by. Alas, I will have to wait until next Thursday for my delivery of fresh, organic produce. This means I’ll have to brave the crowds at Russo’s tomorrow morning. Double blurg.

Russo’s is a local produce shop that truly has every fruit or veggie imaginable, all at a great price. But there have been some things about the store that has bugged me lately. Nothing is organic, most of the stuff isn’t local, and WHY is it so cheap? I mean, really cheap. They must be underpaying someone, no? Oh, and it’s always so crowded that a fun shopping experience it does not make.  And I LOVE food shopping. Love love. Well, I’ll have to go one more time tomorrow as soon as they open and smile nicely at all the ridiculous people on cell phones and crowding the tiny aisles. Oommmmm.

I did manage to also sign up for a meat CSA. This makes me very excited! Once a month I’ll pick up 5 pounds of various types of meat (beef, lamb, chicken, pork) from a farmers’ market at $48 each time for 6 months. The animals come from a local, family owned farm that raises grass-fed/antibiotic free animals in a sustainable, humane way.

Now, I’m not a big meat eater, and Dame isn’t by default since we don’t buy it often, so it’ll be interesting to see how I’ll prepare it – especially the chicken since it’ll be a whole bird. Ugh, gross. I’ll definitely need Dame’s help with that one. I’ve been a vegetarian on/off since I was 16, even having a short-lived stints as a vegan and raw foodist. Nothing grosses me out more than bloody, boney meat. But I do enjoy the taste every once in a while, more so if I know where the meat came from and how well done it was cooked (or if I’ve been tipsy from alcohol).

Now that I have children, eating well has become so much MORE important to me. I’ve definitely been a conscientous eater for several years now, opting for organic and local when I could afford it. But now I feel like I’m on a mission to fulfill my motherly obligation of feeding my kids the best food possible. I define best food possible by organic, local when possible, minimally processed, and fair trade. I want my kids to enjoy long, healthy lives so I will give them a good start by giving them healthy foods.

This is all going to take lots of work! I’m purchasing meat and veggies in their natural state, which will require lots of prep work on my part and lots of cooking! It’s funny – I love cooking, but I’m not so good at it. I mean, I LOVE the way I cook – I cook to please my palate – but my hubby has never been a fan. He likes thinks less…cooked, I suppose. So I guess I better get better at the whole cooking thing. I hope my kids will enjoy my cooking one day! 

Speaking of feeding, I see my chubby girl stirring. Time to nurse!

 

Countdown Begins June 3, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — bigojos @ 12:48 pm

I have 4 weeks left before I leave the little ones in daycare and head back to work. I’m very torn about this. On one hand, I’m looking forward to getting out of the house everyday and spending time with adults, using my brain, and being productive. On the other hand, I’m going to miss my babies! They’re just beginning to develop so much, and I don’t want to miss any of it. Bodhi and Paloma are now reaching for things. They are fascinated with shiny wristwatches and actually try to grab them. This is when all the fun begins…just when I head back to work.

I do worry about trying to balance everything. I know there are thousands of twin families out there who get up and out of the house every morning, but we haven’t done it yet and it seems very daunting! Getting the babies ready is a challenge on its own; now we have to do that, get us ready, drop off the babies, and get to work – and all on time!

Work will be a challenge as well. I’ve never rushed at work, always working as long as I needed to and never worrying about the clock. This is the first time we don’t live near a train so I can’t just grab the subway whenever I want. Dame and I are driving into work, so I do have an end time for work. This should be interesting. I suppose there will be days I’ll have to take my laptop home to finish projects.

By the time we get home we will only have a short window before the babies need to go to sleep. This is a bummer because we will have so little time to spend with them everyday. And this leaves little time to prepare dinner, lunch for the next day, and any ironing required for work clothes. I think it’s going to be all about getting everything prepped on Sundays. I’m thinking I’ll have to make batches of dinner and lunch on Sunday, as well as getting all my clothes ready for the week. This way, we’ll have the most time to spend with the babies.

It’s amazing how much organization and time management come into play with twins. It’s all about scheduling and juggling and planning. There’s not much downtime! I suppose writing in this blog is my way of taking a breather everyday. I do miss having more ME time, but I guess I had 33 years of me time.

Well, looks like me time is over as I can see the twins are getting up from their very short nap!

 

Spring Cleaning June 2, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — bigojos @ 1:14 pm

Spring is still here for another month or so, and I’ve gotten the cleaning itch. No, I am not talking about my house, though my house is in dire need of a good scrub (who has the time with twins?). I’m talking about my body.

Over the years I’ve learned a ton about cleansing/juicing/raw foods/macrobiotics. I’ve often given my abused body a break by feeding it whole foods and cutting out meats, alcohol, and tobacco. Well, I think I’m ready for another round.

Since I’m still nursing I can’t go on a strict cleanse since any toxins my body releases will likely show up in my breastmilk, so I will just add LOTS of good foods to my diet without going extreme. For example, I shouldn’t cut out my coffee in the morning, which would cause headaches and crankiness. I can cut back on the coffee, put in fewer scoops of sugar, and less half and half. I could probably cut out the coffee if I do it over a long period of time, but I’m not sure I’m ready to do this!

I figure if I overdose on fruits/veggies/healthy meals, I will feel much better. As it is, I am feeling physically pretty well. I do eat whole foods as much as possible, and since I am nursing I don’t drink and smoke like I used to. It also helps that I’m wearing size 10 jeans! Yeah, I discovered this yesterday. I can’t believe it. Even the waist is a bit loose. And I never wore these jeans before I was pregnant (the tag was still on), which makes me think they were too tight before?? This is all thanks to nursing – the weightloss. I’ve been walking but not everyday and eating well but not all the time. I’m still in shock that I gave birth to twins 3 1/2 months ago, and I am wearing a sixe 10! That feels awesome.

Yesterday I juiced some veggies – spinach, dandelion greens, beets, carrots, apple, and celery. It was actually really tasty! It was sweeter than I expected. Today I have in store a smoothie – banana, strawberries, blueberries, yogurt, and maybe some frozen pineapple. Yummy!

And within a couple of months the twins will be eating fruits and veggies. I am very excited to see them eat! I plan on making their food for them -none of that store-bought stuff for us. It’s very important that they get the healthiest food possible, and I plan on making large batches of their food and freezing it. I’m doing this with the help of the book, Super Baby Food. I might even invest in a small freezer. Between frozen breast milk and frozen baby food, there won’t be any room for Dame and me.

Yesterday I signed up for Boston Organics, an organic produce delivery service. I get my first shipment tomorrow, so I hope the produce is really good! The price is right, and I don’t have to do any work – I just get the weekly goodies. I am really hoping this works for us since it will save so much shopping time. I wish all the produce was local, but at least it’s all organic.

Ok, off to freeze some breast milk and make my smoothie!

 

New Discoveries June 1, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — bigojos @ 7:55 pm

This past weekend Bodhi discovered his hands and feet! His amazement at these moving parts in front of him provided endless entertainment for Dame and me. It was so darn cute. He would wring his hands together in front of his face and then mush them into his mouth. And then he’d do it again and again. There were times he went cross-eyed trying to focus on his fingers.

And then there were his feet. Bodhi was sitting on Dame’s lap and would just lean forward towards his feet. You could see him concentrating so hard on the little piggies as he moved them back and forth. He came so close to actually touching them, but toe-touching will be saved for another day.

Paloma hasn’t yet had the same exploration of her hands and feet as Bodhi, but she’s certainly been busy staring at the dangling toys from her bouncy and car seats. For 3 months she’s completely ignored these toys, but as we approach the 3 1/2 month mark she’s seem to notice them. And yes, these toys actually seem to entertain her…for a few minutes anyway.

 Now this part of parenting is fun! Finally, there’s the smiles, and the giggles, and the discovery of their moving body parts. It’s definitely a lot of fun and feels like a reward for all the dirty diapers and sleepless nights.

Here’s a photo of Bodhi checking out his hands:

And Memorial Day weekend was the big debut of the twins to my extended family. We drove to RI to my mom’s house for her annual Memorial Day BBQ, and it seemed the day was a reunion of sorts. There were cousins, aunts, and, uncles I hadn’t seen for close to 15 years! It was nice to catch up with everyone, though there were some nerve-wracking moments. You know, when my senile grandmother wanted to hold both twins at once (the twins are at least 15 pounds each! ). Thankfully, all went fine, and the travel and late bedtime didn’t affect the twins too badly.

Here are some BBQ photos:

Daddy holding the twins:

4 Generations – me, the twins, my mom, my grandmother:

 

Tis was a good day… May 30, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — bigojos @ 1:51 am

Today was a good day. We bought a gas grill and fired it up with some friends. Had some sausage, some wine, and lots of veggies and feeling good. It was so nice to have a couple of girls over (the boys all hovered around the grill for the entire day) and just chat. Most of the conversations were about adorable twin infants, but I have no problems with this at all. 🙂

The wine probably made me too honest, but sometimes I think I need to let go just a little. Sometimes I need to just reach out to other humans and be…well, human.

Now my belly is full, the babies are asleep (fingers crossed they stay that way!), and I’m ready to cuddle up to my pillows and hubby.

Tis was a VERY good day.

 

It’s Official May 28, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — bigojos @ 1:49 am

It’s official. I’ve come down with a case of the baby blues. For days I’ve been trying to ignore the nagging voice telling me to just acknowledge it. To just say out loud that I need a litle help here. I thought I could just will it away with my newfound supermama strength…because I’m not supposed to feel this way. I’m supposed to be loving every minute of new mommyhood and being at home with the twins. I’m supposed to happy and patient. Instead, I feel irritable and cranky. I overeat when I’m not hungry and cry uncontrollably when I’m home alone. The crankiness, eating, and crying then roll themselves into a big ball of guilt – which just makes me do more eating and crying.

My run/walk yesterday energized me and made me feel like a normal person again. I even thought, “THIS is what’s going to save me!” I was convinced all I had to do was get up and out the door and the blues would be gone. Of course, it’s more complicated than this because when I woke up this morning I was just downright cranky and tired and refused to get out of bed, knowing staying in bed would make me feel worse. So I didn’t go, and I felt like crap, and then all I wanted to do was eat to give me some temporary solace.  Getting rid of the baby blues will require more than just ONE day of exercise.

I’m no stranger to depression, having had bouts of it throughout high school and college. I know how to recognize it in myself, and over the years I’ve accumulated tools that help me combat it. But it’s never easy and it’s never done overnight. This time around I have more reasons to beat it. I just need to look at my babies to motivate myself. I don’t want to be short with them. I don’t want to be frustrated by their crying or their fussing. They’re babies and that’s what they do. I just need to get a grip and cope better with the stressors.

Dame has also brought to my attention that I’ve been homebound since the first week of January. That’s 6 months next week! Between bedrest, being far too pregnant, then having newborn twins, add in the Boston winter, Boston rainy spring, and that doesn’t add up to much going out. Cabin fever is an understatement.  

Compounding all of this is my intense loneliness. No one ever warned me how lonely motherhood can be. I started going through my list of friends, which has shrunk considerably since I’ve gotten pregnant. Of the few remaining people I consider friends, the list looks like this (each bullet point is a friend):

  •  Lives in NYC/starting a new crazy busy job
  • Moving to NYC this weekend/starting a new job
  • Getting married next month
  • Also getting married next month
  • Getting divorced
  • Struggling with fertility
  • Struggling with depression

Seriously, this list is not a joke and does not include the 3 closest friends who were in my wedding just a few short years ago. The disintegration of those relationships will have to be discussed at a later date.

I tried a twin moms group but never connected with anyone. I’ve even reached out to a couple of moms on forums/chat rooms and never heard back. It’s going to be very difficult to break the news to my kids that their mother is a social  pariah. What else could be the explanation?

Throughout all of this, Damian has been my rock. He’s actually surpassed my expectations as a father and a husband and has been tremendously supportive of me throughout this whole ordeal. He makes me feel like I am the best mother that’s ever walked the planet. He gives me confidence and hope. He makes me feel like I can do whatever I put my mind to, which I can…as long as he’s by my side. I really don’t know what I’d do without him. Hmmm…how can I possibly top Mother’s Day next month for Father’s Day???

Wow. Just writing all of this down has made me feel so much better. I wish I could say, “OK, thanks, I’m over that whole blues thing,” and move on, but it’s not that easy. At the very least, I can get all these emotions out in the open and acknowledge them and deal with them, and I hope, put them behind me. In some way it makes me feel less lonely, like getting these words out there in cyberspace is therapy somehow. It’s all about baby steps, or taking one day at a time like Dame said. Yesterday was a bad day. Today was a good day.  Tomorrow…well, I won’t know until I get there.