I can’t begin to express to you how much I love you. When you came into this world, plump and dark-haired, I knew immediately what it was like to feel unconditional love. I understood what it would be to sacrifice every last piece of me for someone else. My heart was whole the minute I held you.
But we need to talk, daughter. I am very tired. I want to hold you as much as I can, and touch your sweet cheeks and make you smile. But mama can’t do this for the several hours leading up to midnight or the early morning hours when you wake for some milk. I want to make you happy but sometimes I don’t know what you need. You look at me with your wet eyes and your mouth open and screaming, and I feel absolutely helpless. I try to cuddle you with all the sleepless strength I can muster but sometimes you cant be consoled. This breaks my heart and makes me question my ability to be a good mother.
Then the morning comes. And your eyes are bright and your smile is easy and I fall in love all over again. The difficult night before seems like a distant memory. Morning is my favorite time of day because you talk to me and giggle and I can make you happy. You remind me that I am doing a pretty good job, even when I can’t stop the tears every time. Mama loves you so much and all the sleepless nights are worth it every time you flash those fleshy gums at me.
But I’ll always welcome a little less crying and a little more smiling during the night, you know, when you’re ready.